Update on the TO DO list...

I could probably be doing a bit better on this so maybe looking at this may spur me on...

Projects
1. Paint Dining Table and Chairs
2. Sew and repair all items in the sewing basket that have now been waiting over a year!
3. Paint Playroom with Mural
4. Scan old photos and put some on Facebook (started this one, but we have several hundred photos, so this could take some time!)
5. Put all photos into new albums and only keep the good ones! Started on this too but have so many photos I think it will take the full 500 days!!
6. Finish embroidery on Sparks bag for Freyja - DONE!!  Yay!
7. Make personalised crossstitch item for both girls in time for christmas 2011  their next birthdays - amended this one as I have decided what to make them and would rather personalise them for their birthday gift.

Kids

8. Finish Baby Book for Freyja (now 6 years old)

9. Get Baby Book up to date for Rosie

10. Create Family Tree for kids - DONE but ongoing as we find out more info.

11. Finish 1st Year Photos for Rosie

12. Make a Fairy house for the girls in the garden

13. Spend a Mom day with Freyja getting hair done / Nails done without baby coming too. We did spend a day, just us at the Childrens Festival, but I think I'll keep this on the list to have a real girlie day.
14. Volunteer for a day (maybe Thanksgiving) with Freyja to teach her how fortunate she is.

Health & Fitness

15. Get weight down below 170 lbs (Was over 200 when I went in to have Rosie)  - OH DEAR!!!
16. Run a 5K - Signed up for May 8th! - DONE!

17. Run a 10K - August or November depending on how long it takes to get fitness level up.
18. Incorporate fruit or vegetables into Lunch and Dinner every day for 2 weeks to get into the habit - hopefully then I'll keep doing it.

19. Don't eat chocolate or ice cream for a month (now this one will be hard!)

20. Get up to running 2 km instead of just walking and alternate running and walking up to 10km

21. Take a Belly Dancing or Pole Dancing class

Family

22. Go on a family vacation (at least twice/yr.)

23. Take a spontaneous weekend trip to somewhere close - We went camping with the people from work for a weekend and are off in a couple of weeks for another camping trip.
24. Get family pictures taken

25. Go on a picnic. We did this with our trip out to Johnson Lake near Banff
26. Go on a nature trail with kids.

Personal

27. Write in Blog at least once a week. Trying hard to do this now

28. Put together a photo collage for both sets of parents and my grandparents of me, DH and the girls
29. Write a letter to my Dad (He's been waiting a long time for this) Done!!!! Yay - only took 4 years!!

30. Write a short childrens story for the girls

31. Finish reading "Pride & Prejudice & Zombies"  DONE!
32. Finish the Dragon crossstitch I started when I was 19 (I am now 36 and it will only take a few hours to finish)
33. Get dragon cross stitch framed and put up with pride of place.

34. Take a cooking or painting class.

35. Make a will and set up what would happen to kids in W.C.S. - Underway

36. Write a letter or make a video for kids for them to have of me if anything happened.

Finance

37. Save some money for a visit back to the UK next year.

38. Save to RESP's for girls (Now set up finally!) I suppose I can consider this done as they are now set up and the saving has begun - just need to up the amount next year when we have a bit more cash on hand.

39. Set up RRSP's for me and DH.
 

Home & Organization
40. Clean oven every 2 weeks so it doesn't get so horrible

41. Set up Chore Chart for me, DH and Freyja so everyone does something to keep on top of things

42. Organize Playroom Done

43. Organize Office Space and get rid of stuff that really is not needed

44. Organize closet and get rid of big clothes so I can't 'grow' back into them. Done some but still have a few more things to get rid of

45. Go through memory boxes and condense them down before they take over the house.

46. Have a Garden Chore chart for the summer / fall
47. Plant seeds for flowers and veggies and grow garden with Freyja

48. Go through house and get rid of EVERYTHING we don't use - if you don't ever use it, you don't need it!

Food

49. Get a Box freezer for the basement

50. Create a 2 week meal planner and use it to shop and cook
51. Create a batch of freezer meals
52. Use herbs and veggies from our own garden and MAKE SURE THEY DON"T DIE!

53. Cut out as much processed food as possible

54. Retrain Freyja to eat without the use of Alphagetti, Chicken Nuggets or Ketchup (again this one may prove impossible)

55. Cook a new recipe each week from one of the many cook books we have.

Stop being a crazy lady and pull it together!!

That's what I've told myself, and that's what I've done.

I am no longer feeling like The End of (My) World is Nigh!  Actually, I'm feeling pretty good.

I got my blood tests done yesterday and my ultrasounds are in the morning.  Someone I know mentioned the symptoms I had sounded like Endometriosis, so, yes, I went back to the dreaded Internet, but with an actual affliction in mind you get so much more reliable results.  Looking at the symptoms, I think my friend was bang on in her diagnosis.  It sounds like symptoms I've been having since I was a teen, just that they have gotten progressively worse until I am at this point and in pain most days.  The thing is, whilst it's painful, and damned annoying, it is in no way life threatening.  So, while the Doc still needs to do his diagnosis and agree with this, I am feeling in a more positive frame of mind, because it is something I can again have control over.

Because of my little panic, and my current sunnier mindset, I have been reminded of just how much I adore my darling hubby and our beautiful daughters, and consequently I have been making the most of my spare time with the kids.  The house perpetually looks like a bomb site (hopefully no visitors will come!) but I had a lovely weekend at the splash park on Saturday and a classic car show on Sunday with my girls.  Fun was had and quality time was spent.  Monday, Freyja wanted to head to the park in the evening.  Usually I am full of excuses, it's too hot, too cold, too windy, too rainy, too late etc.  But Monday, I moved my lazy arse, and off we went.  It was lovely!  Sure, my own personal ground zero awaited me at home (it still does incidentally) but hell, there are always more dishes to clean, clothes to wash, floors to sweep, but how many precious moments of childhood are there remaining.  They tick by so fast, we need to grab them with both hands, capture memories on film and enjoy each precious second.... And then embarrass them with the photographic evidence when they are teenagers!!! :-)

My name is Lisa and it has been a month since my last confession...

Well, not confession as such, but really, what is a blog if not a chance to expunge our soul and psyche of all the floating doubts and lingering guilt trips that we take ourselves on daily.

Since my last post, the feeling I have had of my own impending mortality has become stronger, and is now accompanied by pain, and lots of it.  What started as a niggle here and a niggle there, has become in a month a mind numbing assault of aches and stabbing sensations everywhere between chest and thigh level.  My whole lower back and abdomen is rebelling against me and I have no idea of the cause, so I am to visit the doctor in a couple of days.

Of course, I did the worst thing any person could do on getting pains, I consulted the internet.... never ever consult the internet with the intention of making a self diagnosis.... you will ALWAYS be dying of cancer!!  ALWAYS!!

Of course, I could be, but that is not the point.  I don't know what it is causing the pains.  It could be kidney stones, ovarian cysts, IBS (otherwise a very bad case of gas!), really any number of things, but of course what it now is, in my head, thanks to the internet, is Ovarian Cancer.  A cancer which kills more than half of the people who get it and therefore my prophetic feelings of doom are coming to pass.

But really, I am trying to talk myself out of this.  There is absolutely no history of cancer in my family, I am 36 so not in the prime age group to get it, I took the combined pill for 10 years which hugely lowers the risk, I have 2 children, both delivered by c-section, the second only being a year ago, so you'd have thought they would have noticed while they were in there if anything was not looking right.

Of course, that always brings up the other option - they left a foreign object in me at the c-section....  again, it has been over a year so probably would have shown up by this point....

The problem is that I do not know what is wrong, and I hate that!  I hate not knowing why something is happening.  I hate not being able to stop it.  I hate having to rely on a doctor to get enough information from my garbled list of symptoms that they will send me for the correct round of tests in order to successfully come to a correct diagnosis.  I hate not being in control.....

I am a control freak.....  there, that is my confession.  My wonderful husband used to call me Monica when we were first living together, after Monica from Friends.  My fridge magnets were symetrical.  My CD's and DVD's were alphabetised, and catalogued, my books were grouped alphabetically, by author and then by date released.....  Yep!  Control freak!

Now, with children (and a husband) in my life, my house is in chaos.  My books, cd's and dvd's are routinely removed from the shelves and strewn about the floor by my one year old.  My 6 year old has claimed most of the fridge magnets and they serve the purpose of displaying her artistic efforts for the viewing public as they pass through my kitchen.

As I worry about my health, I appreciate that chaos more.  We went camping at the weekend and the kids were covered in dirt head to toe from arriving friday to leaving sunday.  My 6 year old got through 6 sets of clothes in 2 days and still came home in dirty ones.  It was wonderful.

This weekend, we have played outside, the girls have had their playpool and ball pit out and I have been trying to find the flower beds under the weeds, and it has been wonderful to watch them play, carefree, dirty, no tv, no computer, just a bit of water, a few toy boats and some plastic balls in an inflatable car.  Last night, we sat and watched the first Harry Potter movie together.  I was nearly sent mad by the "who's he", "what's going to happen". What's going to happen now", What just happened" questioning, but we made it to the end, and she wants to watch the rest with me now - we'll see...  she's only 6 and the early ones aren't to scary but the later ones may just be too much for her I think, she is a delicate girl emotionally.

Today, I am finally getting on with that Will, and trying to up my insurance, just in case, but mainly, I am trying to make memories with my girls.  Whether I die next year or in 50 years, I want to be sure that every day spent with them is not wasted but enjoyed and treasured to the full. What blessings children are.  We see ourselves in their young faces, remember the innocence and joy of our youth and how quickly we wanted to be grown, and now we are, how much we would give to return to those happy easy days of childhood.  I wonder how much they will remember when they are grown, and if they will find the same memories crossing their minds as the splash and play with their own children in their gardens.....  I hope so....