Wedding memories

So, I am member of a Moms forum online, based here in Calgary (www.calgarymomscommunity.com if anyone wants to check it out) and someone asked the question today about weddings. What do you remember, where, when, who etc, the good and the bad, and frankly I just remember too much for a teensy little forum post, so decided I would post here. It will serve as a reminder to me and as a story for my kids.

Lee and I got married in Langley Castle back in England. It was a medieval border fort so really consists of only a couple of 'rooms' on each of three floors. Our wedding was in the room on the first floor, our wedding night suite was on the second floor, and the reception room was on the top floor.

The wedding was done to a medieval theme to match the location, dress was flowy, medieval type design with long draped sleeves etc. My mother also wore a similar style dress but in a tie dyed purple velvet. We had medieval music at the ceremony and in the background at the reception.
Despite being such a formal venue, and having 70 people there, it was so laid back and relaxed.

The night before my parents and grandparents, my maid of honour and I stayed at a nearby B&B.

Memorable moments (Imagine Mr Bean gets married at Fawlty Towers and you may have something akin to the catalogue of disasters that was our wedding):

• My wedding fell on the same weekend as the annual half marathon in our region so by the time my bridesmaid and I made it out to the countryside in the traffic it was dark.  When we got to the area where the B&B was we got lost. By the time we got there, dinner had finished so all we could have was a grilled cheese sandwich. Get our room to find out that it is not a twin after all and me and my bridesmaid have to share a bed! Not really conducive to a restful night. I felt like I was 8 again and spent the night giggling and reminiscing.
• Morning of the wedding got up to find the breakfast room full of runners and their supporters so had to wait an hour to be seated. Just got my breakfast on the table when my hairdresser turned up so she started on my mother and grandmother first. Finally finished breakfast and rushed to get my hair done where my mother started to fluster. I love her dearly, but she gets stressed out and flustered at events, and my wedding was a BIG event for her so I think she started to fluster the minute she woke up!
• Me driving to the castle in my car in the drivers seat with jeans, a shirt and a veil on as my hair was done, but the tiara kept hitting the roof of my tiny car so my bridesmaid was changing gear for me while I was ducking and holding it in place - everyone shout CHANGE!!
• Me getting annoyed at my mother while I was getting dressed at the castle because she was getting flustered and hot and her makeup was running so she took my makeup while I was getting ready, and then asked me to do her eyes for her - lovely photo taken at that point by the wedding photographer of my being fastened into my dress by my bridesmaid and me looking so grumpy.
• My Dad takes my Mum and leaves me to finish getting ready. At this point she apparently walks past my very nervous groom, he says 'Hi Ann, hows it going?' - She replies "I don't know if there'll even be a wedding at this rate!" and walks away. Cue panicking groom who now thinks he's being stood up (she still denies to this day that she said it, however, I know my mother.... she said it without even realising - Lord, I love her)
• Wedding time arrives and my dad walks me slowly down the stairs, waits at the door to the wedding room, smiles at me and squeezes my hand with tears in his eyes, the doors open... and I am jet propelled, warp speed down the aisle to my waiting groom with a speed that implies he couldn't wait to offload me - he was also very nervous!
• The wedding passes in a haze of vows and stuff I can barely remember, and sadly, the video recorded by my brother in law does not help in this, as he stood in the worst possible place, where you can hear shuffling, whispering and coughing of the wedding guests, and pretty much nothing of me and Lee.
• On to the photos - the photographer takes what seems like a million photos of me (have I mentioned I was 3 months pregnant, in a full length dress, on a September day that was pretty warm, and I had been experiencing dizzy fainting fits in the weeks running up to the wedding) so it felt like an eternity. Also I hadn't eaten for hours and really hadn't managed much breakfast due to nerves and wanting to rush for the hairdresser.
• Speaking of food, it's time for the photos with the groom and best man. Where are they? Oh there they are, demolishing an entire tray of canapés. I'm a bit peckish myself, could I have some? Oh, I see, there's none left! Grrrrr!!
• On to the wider family shots. Where is Lee's Uncle, Aunt and Cousin (plus one)? Anyone? No one remembers seeing them? Oh, so they didn't turn up then.... CRAP!!!! I have a seating plan with all four of them on one table with another couple - now that couple are going to be seated alone.... CRAP!!!!
• Finish photos, smile at guests, shake hands, invite them to take a glass of champagne, excuse yourself from company, hitch up dress and leg it up 2 flights of uneven stone stairs to the function room at the top. Re-write part of seating plan, move name place markers and find staff to remove 4 chairs so it looks like it hasn't all been screwed up. Hitch up dress and leg it back down one floor to the suite so I can go to the bathroom (after all I am 3 months pregnant and it is nearly 2 hours since I had a chance to pee - though due to the lack of food and drink anyone (did not) think to get me, I am also not exactly hydrated. Hitch up dress and leg it back down one more flight of stairs to guests just in time to hear the call for everyone to go upstairs for the reception meal.  Use walking up stairs with my Grandad as the decoy for the fact I am too breathless to head up faster.
• Everyone sits down to a lovely meal and quaffs champagne (except me, as I am 3 months pregnant and my sister in law who is about 6 months pregnant) especially the groom who is getting lightly toasted by my side. We giggle as we watch Lee's son Dan, then only a young lad of 12 push the barley in the broth up the side of the bowl and attempt to eat around it - he has no idea what it is, and therefore we are clearly trying to poison him!
• The meal ends, everyone is full and happy, and mostly brimming with joy and alcohol. The speeches begin. The best man makes a lovely speech, which I can remember none of, but manages not to mention anything embarrassing or illegal about my new husband in front of my grandparents (huge sigh of relief!) Then my dad gets up. My Dads speech makes me cry. He tells a story I had never heard of when I was born. I was 6 weeks early, tiny and sick in an incubator and he and my Mum had been told I likely wouldn't make it. He said he put his hand in the incubator and my tiny hand gripped his little finger with incredible force and he knew I would make it. He said I was a fighter, determined and fierce, and that no one would guess that day what I had been through. I cried. Dad cried. I think everyone shed a tear. Sadly, I was so much of a mess after that, I didn't really hear Lee's speech, though he was so nervous it was very short and consisted mainly of thank yous to best man, bridesmaid, family etc. We cut the cake and that was pretty much that for the day time.
• Downstairs a vintage Rolls Royce awaited Lee and I, and a coach tour bus waited for the guests. We all hopped in and made the half hour journey to the city of Newcastle where the night time event was held. The coach got there first, followed by me and a wobbly Lee in the car (there was a bottle of champagne in the car and he was drinking for two with me being pregnant).
• Into the hotel lobby to be greeted by my flustered mother saying that one of our family friends had not been given the disabled room, so I apologise to my family and friends, send them through to the function room (which it turns out they are still setting up) and go to the reception desk to raise merry hell and get my guest's bedroom issue sorted.
• Next stop, the function where people ate, drank, ate some more, drank some more, drank a little too much and the dancing began, mainly a highland fling performed by the 2 Scottish gentlemen who were guests (one Rangers supporter, and one Celtic and they both survived the evening with teeth intact and happy memories) and a Pub Quiz which was, in hindsight, probably best not run by the best man who was now inebriated and chuckling over each of the completely incomprehensible questions.
• Lee and I at this point departed quietly and climbed into our limo back to the castle, in which there was another bottle of champagne. Hurrah!! Hubby drinks for 2 again until we arrive at the castle where we pour him out and I walk him upstairs.
• We decide to take a bath, which is enormous and big enough for about 6 people, thankfully though there are just the 2 of us, I put a little bubble bath in and get in, lay back and relax, new hubby gets in, slips (on the bubble bath he says, nothing to do with the 4 bottles of champagne that have come his way that day, not to mention the beer) and whoosh, down like a sack of potatoes, water flying and me trying to drag him out from under the water before he drowns. Bath is abandoned and we adjourn to the wonderful, enormous and comfortable bed - maybe a bit too comfortable, as we were both asleep in minutes.
• We wake up in the morning and start to pack up our things, though it is still very early, and dark. The room has the arrow slit windows that most functioning castles had, so the source of all indoor illumination is electric light. Lee goes into the bathroom, switches on the lights and bam! shorts the electrics in the whole castle. No light, nothing!!! Arrrggghhhh!
• We dress in the dimly lit bedroom as dawn allows a teeny bit of sunlight into the room and head downstairs only to find there are no staff. By the time someone arrives, we have everything packed and in the car and are patiently awaiting breakfast and electric light, not necessarily in that order. Turns out the receptionist got a ride to work with the chef, who that morning happened to sleep in.

Funnily enough, while I remember every single one of those things that did not go according to plan, all my guests were amazed by what a good day it was. I was asked if I had used a wedding planner, told I should become one when they were told I did it myself. Told how wonderful it was and how they had never been to a wedding that went off without a hitch before.... Had we been at the same wedding???

And now, Lee and I find that all those things that 'went wrong' were actually what made the day so memorable and fun to remember. So while it did not quite follow the plan, I wouldn't change it in any way.... well, maybe we'd hire a professional for the video so we could remember the actual 'Wedding' part!!!

My name is Lisa and it has been 3 months since my last confession...

Well, pretty much three months and a blog and confession are so similar in my mind, cathartic ways of cleansing the mind and soul so you can continue on without necessarily forgetting, but without the excess baggage of guilt, worry, emotion dragging along with you daily.

It has been a busy three months in our household.  Christmas came and went with a great deal of screaming, squealing and throwing of wrapping paper.  And that was just me and Lee....  The kids enjoyed it too!

The new year rushed in where angels fear to tread (look at me mixing up my similies with nary a care! Or should that be metaphor?  Maybe a mixed one?)  New Years day was my beloved husband's 40th Birthday!!! We celebrated with a family dinner and a cake that looked like Boba Fett's helmet (and if I do say so myself, I didn't do too bad a job on it!)

Well anyway, we got into January and headed through it far to fast for my liking, though with not much snow, which in Calgary in winter is a blessing (though a curse for the farmers when spring and summer roll around).  Bizarely its been snowing up a storm in the UK and the rest of Europe with temperatures plummeting, while I have been waltzing around in a shirt and light jacket.  Mother Nature is having a bit of a lark this year I think.

February brought Valentine's day, hearts wherever you looked, which was a bit of an omen as it turned out as Lee got taken into hospital from work one day with a suspected Heart Attack. Yes, my only recently turned 40 valentine was given aspirin, nitro-spray and a referral to a cardiologist.  Happy Valentines!!

He had the cardiologist appointment yesterday.  Thankfully (after 2 weeks of near endless panicking and little sleep on my part - oh how much better he coped than me) he was given the all clear.  Heart good, Blood pressure good, cholesterol and blood sugar amazingly good.  But - told to stop smoking (again) and lose weight.  Apparently the tablets he takes for stress may be acting less effectively, hence allowing him to feel like he is having a heart attack when he is under stress.

Which brings us to the most recent thing.  Our eldest daughter, the fabulous tornado in a tutu, Freyja is having more and more issues with behaviour and anger, so I finally admitted that we were not coping so well by ourselves and we needed help - especially in light of Lee's stress issues.  I duly made an appointment with our family doctor to explain my concerns, her anger, her nightmares, her ADHD like tendencies and he refered us to the relevant department who in turn referred us to the Paediatric Behavioural Development Clininc yesterday telling us it would be a 10 week or so wait to hear.  Today I got a call from them and appointment on Monday (today is Thursday).  They actually wanted to give us an appointment tomorrow but our work couldn't do such short notice!  I don't know whether to be pleased or worried - do they think its so bad they need to rush her in?

So anyway, to keep my mind clear on that score, I have started another blog http://the-defiant-ones.blogspot.com/ to remind us where our journey began and find out where it takes us, and for Freyja to hopefully look back on it with pride in the future at what she overcame, and for us as parents to perhaps look back, make a sigh of relief and take pride in what we survived....

And last, but hopefully not least, in my ongoing effort to get fitter, lose weight and support Lee in his efforts to do so too, I have joined a gym and will be starting a blog on that too to track my progress and inspire me to keep going.  Happy March 1st - hopefully the beginning of good things to come - even if it is a bit overwhelming at the moment!

May you live in interesting times....

Interesting Times by (Sir)Terry Pratchett

Extract from the beginning of the book.... (if you like it, you can follow the link to a website I found where the whole darn thing is there for free, along with all his other books in the Discworld Series - oh, and by the way, I am actually going to blog, this is just a bit of a scene setter for my rambles.  Whether the scene is even in the same vicinity as my ramblings is for you to decide!)

There is a curse.

They say: May You Live in Interesting Times

This is where the gods play games with the lives of men, on a board which is at one and the same time a simple playing area and the whole world.

And Fate always wins.

Fate always wins. Most of the gods throw dice but Fate plays chess, and you don't find out until too late that he's been using two queens all along.

Fate wins. At least, so it is claimed. Whatever happens, they say afterwards, it must have been Fate.

Gods can take any form, but the one aspect of themselves they cannot change is their eyes, which show their nature. The eyes of Fate are hardly eyes at all - just dark holes into an infinity speckled with what may be stars or, there again, may be other things.  He blinked them, smiled at his fellow players in the smug way winners do just before they become winners, and said:

'I accuse the High Priest of the Green Robe in the library with the double-handed axe.'  And he won.

He beamed at them.

'No-one likesh a poor winner,' grumbled Offler the Crocodile God, through his fangs.

'It seems that I am favouring myself today,' said Fate. 'Anyone fancy something else?'

The gods shrugged.

'Mad Kings?' said Fate pleasantly. 'Star-Crossed Lovers?'

'I think we've lost the rules for that one,' said Blind Io, chief of the gods.

'Or Tempest-Wrecked Mariners?'

'You always win,' said Io.

'Floods and Droughts?' said Fate. 'That's an easy one.'

A shadow fell across the gaming table. The gods looked up.

'Ah,' said Fate.

'Let a game begin,' said the Lady.

There was always an argument about whether the newcomer was a goddess at all. Certainly no-one ever got anywhere by worshipping her, and she tended to turn up only where she was least expected, such as now. And people who trusted in her seldom survived. Any temples built to her would surely be struck by lightning. Better to juggle axes on a tightrope than say her name. Just call her the waitress in the Last Chance saloon.

She was generally referred to as the Lady, and her eyes were green; not as the eyes of humans are green, but emerald green from edge to edge. It was said to be her favourite colour.

'Ah,' said Fate again. 'And what game will it be?'

She sat down opposite him. The watching gods looked sidelong at one another. This looked interesting. These two were ancient enemies.

'How about. . .' she paused,'. . . Mighty Empires?'

'Oh, I hate that one,' said Offler, breaking the sudden silence.  'Everyone dief at the end.'

'Yes,' said Fate, 'I believe they do.' He nodded at the Lady, and in much the same voice as professional gamblers say 'Aces high?' said, 'The Fall of Great Houses? Destinies of Nations Hanging by a Thread?'

'Certainly,' she said.


..... Terry Pratchett is without doubt my favourite author of modern times.  As a teenager, I lost myself in fantasy fiction of all kinds written by people such as David Eddings, Anne McCaffrey, Piers Anthony etc, and I loved them all, but then I grew up... and then I discovered Pratchett.  I found him in University and it has resulted in a cerebral love affair with him and his Discworld books for 15 years or so.  I was a history buff, I studied history, but I read history books 'for fun', I watched documentaries about the Roman and Greek empires to kick back and relax, enormous tomes of Ancient world mythology were my bedtime stories from the time I was ten....  then here was Pratchett.  His books took history, politics, mythology, old world fairie-tales and wove them in with a sarcasm and dry humour that I could not help but marvel at.    It became a game to spot the references to historical figures (Leonard of Quirm being an obvious reference to Leonardo da Vinci, Lord Vetinari being a not so obvious reference to the Medici of Italy- Its in the name ....you'll figure it out)

One of his books is called 'Interesting Times' and is based on the so called ancient Chinese Curse "May you live in interesting times".  I find we are living in very interesting times, and I wonder who it was that cursed us to it.  Maybe Fate and Lady Luck are playing games, just like in the book....

Sir Terry (the Queen wisely decided to give him a knighthood) is a remarkable man from a very unremarkable background.  He grew up in the UK, is the most prolific and most sold writer of modern times, despite his inevitable millions, he is still living in the UK and did not decide to escape like some of us, is friends with Tony Robinson (Baldrick from Blackadder) who narrates many of his books on audio book collections, and is a sufferer of Early Onset Alzheimer's.

Here is a man who has built a career from being able to store and recall pieces of seemingly useless information, like what a Boggart is, and weave them into a story to make millions of people smile, is slowly having his memory taken away from him at when he is still in the prime of life....  That's Fate having a laugh right there....

So, while we live in interesting times on a national level, there are always the individuals suffering as well, and most do it in silence.  Pratchett, did not and does not suffer in silence.  He speaks out about his disease and its consequences, and he is also bringing the subject of assisted suicide to the table while he's at it.  He wants to be able to chose to die before every part of him is sucked away by this, and frankly I can't say I blame him.

(OK time to get to the point of my ramble...) Lots of people hide things like this, from fear, from embarrassment, but the more people talk about things the more people can sort out their problems, whatever they may be.

I have 2 little 'issues' of my own.  Firstly, I suffer off and on from Depression.  Secondly, a week before my second daughter was born, I filed for bankruptcy.

I know other people who have been through both these things, one quite often inspires the other!  The main difference is that most of them have been embarrassed, fearful of what other people would think.  Depression can bring on financial woes, financial woes can bring on depression.  And guess what.... there isn't an App for that!  Mr Jobs may be working on one right now from the other side of the pearly gates, but right as of this moment there is no easy fix, you can't press a button and take it away.

My husband and I used to work for the same place.  Another couple we knew did too.  One day we got told it was shutting down.  We were lucky, we got new jobs, less wage but jobs nonetheless.  We rented our home.  We managed.

Our friends didn't get new jobs for a few months.  They owned their home....or rather the bank did.  Because they missed payments, the bank hiked up their payments to nearly $3000 a month once they were working again.  Their truck was repossessed in the middle of the night.  My friend contemplated suicide but could not do that to her husband and daughter because she had no life insurance and they would have had to pay funeral costs.  She spiralled into depression and her marriage nearly broke up.  They told no one except their family and us...

When we found we were going to have another child, we contacted the credit card people, the banks etc and told them I would be going on mat leave and could not afford to pay for a while.  They would not listen.  We asked to work something out, they would not listen.  So we claimed bankruptcy and they had no choice but to listen.  Unlike our friends, when we found we were in the same situation, I told anyone that wanted to know how things were.  I was open with my friends and I found out more than one had been through bankruptcy in the past, but had kept it quiet.  There is so much shame attached, but in an economy like the one we have today, really, it is nothing to be ashamed of.  Banks take you for everything they can while you are on the up, but as soon as you are down they don't want to know.

It was the best thing we ever did.  18 months later, we are coming to the end of the 21 month period, and we have not paid the full amount, we will likely be paying something every month for another year to fully clear it, but the point is, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  There is always a way, and you can get through, you just have to breathe deeply and be honest, with your self and with others.  Shit happens!  and it happens to good people.  We struggled for 3 years on hardly anything when we moved to Canada.  We went without meals to feed our child.  I wore boots with holes in for a full winter, arrived at work with soaking wet feet in minus 40 degrees to make sure she was warmly clothed.  We tried.... but sometimes something just has to give.  We live in interesting times and sometimes it can be a curse, but it can be a blessing too...  We became a closer family because of it.  We became less materialistic....  We came to understand what was important, what wasn't, when to fight, and when to admit defeat and ask for help.

With depression you can get a pill to help you feel better, but with financial worries you have to ask for help.... not to borrow money, but real help in sorting it out.  In a year, we will be done. We will have a terrible credit rating for a few years, but we will have no more debt.  We will have spare cash to pay for new clothes, dance and guitar lessons for our kids, pizza night, date night, maybe even a holiday.  These are things so many people take for granted, but really, most of us are only 2 pay cheques away from disaster.

Our friends lost their home in the end.....  but from bad things come good.  They moved back to their hometown on the other side of Canada, they are close to their family again, they are done their bankruptcy and both have stable jobs.... they have pizza night and the occasional vacation.... they are happy.... they had their interesting times and now they know what is important again....

So my message after all this.  Embrace adversity.  Revel in the Interesting Times in which we live.  For every time of hardship we enter there is a time of peace as we leave it.  Every rain storm finishes with a rainbow.  The bigger the storm, the more vibrant the rainbow is.  As Christmas approaches, don't worry about what you don't have, treasure what you do, and most of all, be true and allow others into you life so they can help you and you can help them....