The to-do with To Do lists....

So, I suddenly had a thought today, "I wonder how long I have left to complete that To Do list I posted on her, way back when.  Seems the deadline passed 2 weeks ago, so lets see how I did shall we? (cough, not that well!!)

 

First off, there were 55 things, rather than 50.  And its been 516 days...

 

That should average out at one thing off the list every 9.38 days (thank you trusty calculator!)

 

The list is reposted below and frankly is a sad testament to the ways 'life' gets in the way of, well, 'life'!

 

Red = not done

Orange = started and abandoned half way for no reason other than I am a lazy arse, frantically busy working mom of 2....

Green = done

 

 

By my calculations, they add up to the following

 

Red = 27 (49%)

Orange = 15 (27%)

Green = 13 (24%)

 

So I did only a quarter of things on the list, but I did get another quarter underway.  Half have gone untouched and I notice that most of them are to do with eating habits and fitness (old habits die hard I suppose).

 

Most of the items related to the kids though, are either started or done, as are many of the things around the home.

 

So, I suppose this highlights that I spend more time and energy on my family, kids and home, and less time on me and my health.  Good in some ways. bad in others.

 

So lets see.... it's September 25 today, my 8th wedding anniversary tomorrow, so lets have the anniversary as the new start date and New Years Eve as the end date.  Gives me 97 days to see how many more I can either get underway or completed.

 

Here's hoping....

 

 

 

50 Things to Do in 500 Days
Start: April 27th, 2011
Finish: September 7th, 2012

Projects
1. Paint Dining Table and Chairs
2. Sew and repair all items in the sewing basket that have now been waiting over a year!
3. Paint Playroom with Mural
4. Scan old photos and put some on Facebook
5. Put all photos into new albums and only keep the good ones!
6. Finish embroidery on Sparks bag for Freyja
7. Make personalised crossstitch item for both girls in time for Christmas 2011 FAIL!!!!

Kids

8. Finish Baby Book for Freyja (now 6 years old)

9. Get Baby Book up to date for Rosie
10. Create Family Tree for kids
11. Finish 1st Year Photos for Rosie
12. Make a Fairy house for the girls in the garden
13. Spend a Mom day with Freyja getting hair done / Nails done without baby coming too.
14. Volunteer for a day (maybe Thanksgiving) with Freyja to teach her how fortunate she is.

Health & Fitness

15. Get weight down below 170 lbs (Was over 200 when I went in to have Rosie)
16. Run a 5K - Signed up for May 8th!

17. Run a 10K - August or November depending on how long it takes to get fitness level up.18. Incorporate fruit or vegetables into Lunch and Dinner every day for 2 weeks to get into the habit - hopefully then I'll keep doing it.

19. Don't eat chocolate or ice cream for a month (now this one will be hard!)

20. Get up to running 2 km instead of just walking and alternate running and walking up to 10km

21. Take a Belly Dancing or Pole Dancing class

Family

22. Go on a family vacation (at least twice/yr.)

23. Take a spontaneous weekend trip to somewhere close
24. Get family pictures taken

25. Go on a picnic.
26. Go on a nature trail with kids.

Personal

27. Write in Blog at least once a week.

28. Put together a photo collage for both sets of parents and my grandparents of me, DH and the girls
29. Write a letter to my Dad (He's been waiting a long time for this)
30. Write a short childrens story for the girls
31. Finish reading "Pride & Prejudice & Zombies"
32. Finish the Dragon crossstitch I started when I was 19 (I am now 35 and it will only take a few hours to finish)
33. Get dragon cross stitch framed and put up with pride of place.
34. Take a cooking or painting class.
35. Make a will and set up what would happen to kids in W.C.S.
36. Write a letter or make a video for kids for them to have of me if anything happened.

Finance

37. Save some money for a visit back to the UK next year.

38. Save to RESP's for girls (Now set up finally!)

39. Set up RRSP's for me and DH.

Home & Organization
40. Clean oven every 2 weeks so it doesn't get so horrible

41. Set up Chore Chart for me, DH and Freyja so everyone does something to keep on top of things
42. Organize Playroom
43. Organize Office Space and get rid of stuff that really is not needed
44. Organize closet and get rid of big clothes so I can't 'grow' back into them.
45. Go through memory boxes and condense them down before they take over the house.
46. Have a Garden Chore chart for the summer / fall
47. Plant seeds for flowers and veggies and grow garden with Freyja
48. Go through house and get rid of EVERYTHING we don't use - if you don't ever use it, you don't need it!

Food

49. Get a Box freezer for the basement

50. Create a 2 week meal planner and use it to shop and cook
51. Create a batch of freezer meals
52. Use herbs and veggies from our own garden and MAKE SURE THEY DON"T DIE!

53. Cut out as much processed food as possible

54. Retrain Freyja to eat without the use of Alphagetti, Chicken Nuggets or Ketchup (again this one may prove impossible)

55. Cook a new recipe each week from one of the many cook books we have.

My name is Lisa and it has been a month since my last confession...

Well, not confession as such, but really, what is a blog if not a chance to expunge our soul and psyche of all the floating doubts and lingering guilt trips that we take ourselves on daily.

Since my last post, the feeling I have had of my own impending mortality has become stronger, and is now accompanied by pain, and lots of it.  What started as a niggle here and a niggle there, has become in a month a mind numbing assault of aches and stabbing sensations everywhere between chest and thigh level.  My whole lower back and abdomen is rebelling against me and I have no idea of the cause, so I am to visit the doctor in a couple of days.

Of course, I did the worst thing any person could do on getting pains, I consulted the internet.... never ever consult the internet with the intention of making a self diagnosis.... you will ALWAYS be dying of cancer!!  ALWAYS!!

Of course, I could be, but that is not the point.  I don't know what it is causing the pains.  It could be kidney stones, ovarian cysts, IBS (otherwise a very bad case of gas!), really any number of things, but of course what it now is, in my head, thanks to the internet, is Ovarian Cancer.  A cancer which kills more than half of the people who get it and therefore my prophetic feelings of doom are coming to pass.

But really, I am trying to talk myself out of this.  There is absolutely no history of cancer in my family, I am 36 so not in the prime age group to get it, I took the combined pill for 10 years which hugely lowers the risk, I have 2 children, both delivered by c-section, the second only being a year ago, so you'd have thought they would have noticed while they were in there if anything was not looking right.

Of course, that always brings up the other option - they left a foreign object in me at the c-section....  again, it has been over a year so probably would have shown up by this point....

The problem is that I do not know what is wrong, and I hate that!  I hate not knowing why something is happening.  I hate not being able to stop it.  I hate having to rely on a doctor to get enough information from my garbled list of symptoms that they will send me for the correct round of tests in order to successfully come to a correct diagnosis.  I hate not being in control.....

I am a control freak.....  there, that is my confession.  My wonderful husband used to call me Monica when we were first living together, after Monica from Friends.  My fridge magnets were symetrical.  My CD's and DVD's were alphabetised, and catalogued, my books were grouped alphabetically, by author and then by date released.....  Yep!  Control freak!

Now, with children (and a husband) in my life, my house is in chaos.  My books, cd's and dvd's are routinely removed from the shelves and strewn about the floor by my one year old.  My 6 year old has claimed most of the fridge magnets and they serve the purpose of displaying her artistic efforts for the viewing public as they pass through my kitchen.

As I worry about my health, I appreciate that chaos more.  We went camping at the weekend and the kids were covered in dirt head to toe from arriving friday to leaving sunday.  My 6 year old got through 6 sets of clothes in 2 days and still came home in dirty ones.  It was wonderful.

This weekend, we have played outside, the girls have had their playpool and ball pit out and I have been trying to find the flower beds under the weeds, and it has been wonderful to watch them play, carefree, dirty, no tv, no computer, just a bit of water, a few toy boats and some plastic balls in an inflatable car.  Last night, we sat and watched the first Harry Potter movie together.  I was nearly sent mad by the "who's he", "what's going to happen". What's going to happen now", What just happened" questioning, but we made it to the end, and she wants to watch the rest with me now - we'll see...  she's only 6 and the early ones aren't to scary but the later ones may just be too much for her I think, she is a delicate girl emotionally.

Today, I am finally getting on with that Will, and trying to up my insurance, just in case, but mainly, I am trying to make memories with my girls.  Whether I die next year or in 50 years, I want to be sure that every day spent with them is not wasted but enjoyed and treasured to the full. What blessings children are.  We see ourselves in their young faces, remember the innocence and joy of our youth and how quickly we wanted to be grown, and now we are, how much we would give to return to those happy easy days of childhood.  I wonder how much they will remember when they are grown, and if they will find the same memories crossing their minds as the splash and play with their own children in their gardens.....  I hope so....

A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own. ~Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain

It is a month almost since I have written anything in this blog, and it has been relatively uneventful except for a certain feeling that I need to put my house in order, so to speak, regarding my own mortality and the consequences of my passing to those around me.

I am not sick (as far as I know) and, touch wood, have no intention of having a nasty accident, but somehow my mind has been turning to the what ifs.

Usually when I scan through the blogs on here, I get 20 quilting pages or 20 Baptist churches.  Last time I came on, I got one after another on cancer, sickness, support groups, people who had defeated illness, people who were fighting illness, and in two sad cases, the blogs recording the last months and days of people who in the end lost the battle.

It made me sad and thoughtful at the same time.  A year ago, a friends sister went to the doctor with a sore back, thinking she had pulled a muscle or something.  She was diagnosed with agressive cancer and died a year later, after having been given only a few months to live.  She was 29 when she was diagnosed.  She had 4 young children.

So I got to thinking, I am 36 this birthday, so clearly, I can no longer say I am "too young" for it to happen to me.  I have 2 young kids and a husband who live with me in Canada while all of our other family members are in the UK.  What if...

What if something happened to me?  How would Lee manage with the kids?  He works shifts so would he have to leave his job to look after them - how would he support them?  Who would help him?  What about bills and debts?

What if something happened to both of us?  Who would the kids go to?  Probably my parents, but before they could get to them who would look after them in the short term while my parents made plans to come out to Canada?  Would they end up in care until the legalities were sorted out?

We have no wills or life insurance.  We don't get regular check ups.  I suddenly realised steps need to be taken... and fast.

I am setting up a Will on-line and will get Lee to do the same.  We don't need to get a full notorised one as we rent our house and don't really own much, its mainly to ensure the kids stability.  We need to get Life insurance arranged asap and both get a medical.  And a really important one, we need to make sure our best friends here have the numbers of both of our parents so that if there is an accident, someone can contact them and make arrangements.

I am not someone who fears death, I never have, but I do fear what my parting would do to those around me.  I would not like a long, lingering death, but at the same time, if I were able to spend one extra day with my husband and children, would I not fight to do so?

Albert Einstein said "Our death is not an end if we live on in our children and the younger generation.  For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life."  This resonates with me.  I have always loved the image of the tree of life.  In fact, I have just been creating a family tree for the kids to know their heritage as they grow up, and I have drawn a tree of life image for the background.  The drawing is something I would like as a tattoo in time also, with my name and my husbands in the roots, and the kids names among the leaves.  My children are my legacy on the world, and I will do my best to teach them the errors of history and the ways to use them for a better future, as any good parent does, but mainly, I hope, I will teach them to love and be loved.